I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
