Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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