I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
