So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
