so explain again why im purple
no
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
