Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
