Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
