garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
