you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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