Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
