Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
