If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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