i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
being pregnant is like rehab
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
