So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
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