your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
