i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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