either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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