Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
