a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
