Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
