Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Every concussion has its silver lining
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
