you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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