Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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