I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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