Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
