You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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