My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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