There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
