so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
