I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
