The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
