One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
