Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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