This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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