I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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