When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We smell like vodka and hangover
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