I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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