Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Randomize
