He told me they were just razor bumps!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
