He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i was born a porn star she said
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
