I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
