i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
