I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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