I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm like, not good at living.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
