Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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