can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
