New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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