i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Someone came in the potted fern
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
