3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
