I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
