whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Every concussion has its silver lining
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
