Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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